Mario's profile was quite articulate, outlining what he would like to find in a "match" with some witty, charming anecdotes throughout...
Mario went out of his way to indicate in his profile message (not just in his stats where one would select their ethnicity) that he was half Italian. He looked Italian in his photographs and looked relatively good looking (not over the top - just good looking).
He insisted that we meet in person before talking on the telephone, which was fine with me. Having done the online dating thing before, I've long since discovered that you can talk for weeks and email back and forth with someone you think might be a good match....in the end, you can't tell whether there is chemistry until you've been in the same room together. It's just not possible.
I should have known that things were headed down bad-dates-ville road when he recommended Chili's as a meeting place. Nothing against Chili's, but with all the wonderful restaurants and haunts in the area, this seemed like a very generic place to have a drink. Nevertheless, I didn't want to throw the baby out with the gold chains, so I agreed.
SIDE NOTE: I should note that I am very clear in my profile that I would like to date a tall man...."the taller the better". I find that men tend to lie about their height when they are 5'10" and below. This means if they say they're 5'8", they're probably 5'6".....they nearly always add a couple of inches. I guess they think being a 5'4" woman, I wouldn't know - trust me....I KNOW. I am typically in heels and that puts me at 5'8". If you're lying - I KNOW.
Mario claimed to be 5'10" tall.
Arrival:
Opting to meet outside the restaurant so that we didn't have to find each other inside (lesson learned from my other attempt at online dating), Mario
walked swaggered across the parking lot, pointing at himself intermittently between his stomach, chest, face.....saying, "eh? eh?". I translated that in my mind into "you want some of this?". I sincerely didn't know what to say.
My out loud response...."yes, you look like your pictures"
My inside-my-head response...."You're short and you look like a Guido"
I would put him at 5'7" tops....3" shorter than his profile stated.
Once Mario began to speak to me, I realized when he indicated that he was half Italian, he failed to mention that the other half was Mexican - obviously raised more on the Mexican side....which is fine, except that his accent was so thick I had to watch his mouth to make sure I wasn't missing anything.
Hoping he would not see this as a sign of lust, I tried to intermittently look away.
It also became quite apparent that Mario had not written his own profile message. His English was terrible and people tend to write the way they speak. Someone had to have helped him (or he copied and pasted someone else's).
We were seated in a booth next to the bar and ordered drinks and for the next hour, Mario told me what it would take to be "his woman", with barely an interruption from me; first because I was stunned and later because it was entertaining me. Mario had a bit of a stutter when we first sat down - well, not a BIT....he stuttered very badly. I waited it out to see if he had turrets or was just nervous and he seemed to calm down a bit and speak pretty clearly, so I chalked it up to nerves.
In case you were wondering - Mario's idea of a great relationship involves the following:
"You can not just tell me you love me....you have to SHOW ME!" **beats chest for effect**
"Showing" Mario included: Buying him things, taking him places, cooking him meals, not spending any of HIS money and being ready to go anywhere he wants to go at a moment's notice.
NOT. MAKING. THIS. UP.
The rest of the "date" proceeded as expected....Mario talked....I attempted to decipher what he was saying....first chance in an hour that I thought I could get a word in edgewise I looked at my watch and said, "OH! Look at the time! Gotta go!".
Mario followed me out to my car and made an attempt to kiss me....
bob....weave....bob....weave.....in the car - GONE!
This was a good first step....reminded me of all the things I hate about online dating.
Called my daughter on the way home and said, "Well, my date with Cheech Marin didn't go so well....1 down....99 to go!"
